The Twits book of celebrity tweets

By Alexandra Heilbron on April 25, 2012 | Leave a Comment

It was inevitable that someone would gather up an assortment of celebrity Twitter posts and publish them in a book. The newly released The Twits by Quinn Conroy does just that — from the inane to the disgusting to the hilariously funny. There are even arguments between spouses, including Joel Madden complaining that his wife, Nicole Richie, spent $3,000 on pillows. You’d think celebrities wouldn’t really care about expenses, but he wrote: “Do you ever look at your credit card bill & ask your wife how the hell she could spend 3 thousand dollars on pillows? I do. PILLOWS.” Nicole responded: “That’s why I ignore your calls.” Madden had the last word with: “Needless to say the pillows are going back to the expensive ass pillow store. I hope she likes the Target pillows I’m putting in their place.” Even celebrities enjoy a bargain.

Comedian Rob Delaney has a twisted sense of humor, with tweets such as: “Whenever I pass kids who are sitting in 1st class as I board a plane, I ask them if they heard that Santa Claus was murdered,” and “Tough guys who wear sunglasses on the back of their head are covering their “gay eyes” that are checking out other dudes’ dongs.” Stand up comedian/actor Jim Gaffigan wrote: “Just explained to my 3 kids that the new baby will not mean I will love them any less, but I will have to let one of them go.”

Actor Chris Pratt proved he has a sense of humor too, writing, “I like to smile at strangers. Sometimes they smile back. And every once in a while a person gets really creeped out and it’s all worth it.” Fellow actor Joel McHale can also be witty, writing, “I saw a woman with a huge chest tattoo that read “Only God Can Judge Me.” Cool, but I’ve already gone ahead and done some prelim work.”

The always funny Steve Martin has written some gems, including “I’ve decided I want to get to know Cher on a first name basis,” and “A very good gardener today just told me that my ass is grass. Nice compliment.” Not as funny was Frances Bean Cobain’s (daughter of the late Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love) plea: “someone adopt me please?”

Speaking of Cher, she doesn’t seem to like the Donald: “Donald Trump is a Pompous Asshole! Saw him in Aspen with one Dcup chick after another. Everyone up there thought he was a complete idiot.”

Funny guy Stephen Colbert weighs in with “When people notice my scar, I say ‘you should have seen the other guy,’ because it’s true – I cut that surgeon really badly” and “If I had a nickel for every time I said “If I had a nickel,” I’d have 2 nickels. I don’t say it very much.”

If you’d like to win a copy of this book, please go to our Facebook page. If you’re not a member yet, just click “Like” to join, and then enter our contest.

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