Mackenzie Phillips says incest was not consensual

By Alexandra Heilbron on February 5, 2010 | 45 Comments


During an appearance this week on CNN’s The Joy Behar Show, Mackenzie Phillips says that although she referred to the sexual relationship she had with her father as “consensual” in her book, High on Arrival, she has since realized through meeting with other survivors of incest “that there really is no such thing as consensual incest, due to the inherent power a parent has over a child.” She goes on to say that she’s received an incredible amount of support from other incest survivors since she went public with her story. Phillips adds that she took a lot of responsibility for her relationship with her father in her book because she was trying to preserve her father’s (John Phillips of “The Mamas and the Papas”) memory. ~Alexandra Heilbron



Comments & Discussion

  1. Katheryn • February 5, 2010 @ 8:12 AM

    Good for MacKenzie…Her Dad was one sick addict and I hope she stays sober and gets healthy, physically and emotionally

  2. Nancy • February 5, 2010 @ 10:13 AM

    Yes, her dad was a sicko but MacKenzie is to blame as well, in my opinion. She was “with” him for so many years, in this incest relationship…even got pregnant. He is more to blame than her but, some of the blame still lies on her too, in my opinion.

  3. Marilyne • February 5, 2010 @ 11:08 AM

    Hogwash!!! She is not to blame. As a survivor or incest, I can attest to the conflict within yourself, because this is your parent! He is older and does have all the blame when it comes to victimizing a young child. I also got pregnant and then became dependant for support from my abuser. If the victim is blamed it only means that they will be less likely to tell anyone about the situation. It is this kind of attitude of blaming the victim that slows the process of healing. If you haven’t been there you don’t understand the dynamics of incest!!!!

  4. Sierra • February 5, 2010 @ 1:58 PM

    Nancy, unless you have walked in the shoes of someone who has been abused by a parent, you should not voice an opinion about something you know nothing about. My own story is much more horrendous due to tha fact that at age 14. my mother finally decided to do something about what was happening to me. I was taken to the police station, finger printed, had an internal, had my picture taken, was forced to appear in front of a judge, the list goes on and on, I have never forgotten this to this day, my mother blamed me, I detest this woman and curse her to hell for what she put me through. Hate is what gets me up in the a.m. have tried therapy, the scars are too deep. Every person experiences this in different ways. There is nothing that can be done for me but I respect MacKenzie, because she is right, children are taught to obey their parents, they are always right. Keep up the good work MacKenzie, we all know what you went through.

  5. Nancy • February 5, 2010 @ 4:51 PM

    Sierra: I can give MY OPINION on anything I want, thanks! Btw, I feel the need to tell you and Marilyne that Minerva and Johnny (who post on this site) say that these articles “are not about you”, LOL.

  6. Mary • February 5, 2010 @ 5:03 PM

    I think that’s like trying to lay blame on a victim of rape or Stockholm Syndrome… the victim is taken advantage of, physically and psychologically so how can they possibly be “blamed” for it?! That just doesn’t work in my mind…

  7. Nancy • February 5, 2010 @ 5:09 PM

    All I’m saying is that this went on for what, almost 2 decades? She wasn’t an underage child anymore. She had choices, and she chose to stay with him and have this kind of relationship with him and then lay ALL the blame on him and the drugs…none on herself.

  8. Minerva • February 5, 2010 @ 5:17 PM

    It’s clear exactly what you are saying, twice now Retread. Fact of the matter is that you’ve been told already so suck it up —> unless you’ve been there and know what being that type of victim is like, keep your blaming, unhealthy opinions to yourself.

  9. Minerva • February 5, 2010 @ 5:25 PM

    And I add that Sierra and Marilyne posted their opinions based on their experience, they didn’t see the topic as an opportunity to complain about all their health problems. And your experience is that you have NOT yet died from pneumonia, as Brittany Murphy did.

  10. Nancy • February 5, 2010 @ 5:26 PM

    Well, let’s see…”twice now Retread”…”I can give MY OPINION on anything I want”, that’s what public forums are for. Just because I’m not giving the opinion that you guys WANT, does not mean that I am not allowed to give an opinion at all, “Retread”. It’s clear to anyone reading these comments that you, Minerva, have an axe to grind when it comes to any comment I make. So would you please just do us all a favour, and stick to the topic and refrain from your BS, “Retread”?

  11. Dawn • February 5, 2010 @ 7:44 PM

    People I do not understand why anyone gives nancy the drama she craves so much. Yes u are right she will never know what she is talking about unless u have walked those shoes. It’s a real shame to many of us have had to walk those shoes. But everytime one of us respond to her we give her that feel of being important that she looks for..stop giving her that… She loses the power then.

  12. Nancy • February 5, 2010 @ 11:58 PM

    Dawn: I’m not looking for drama or “power” as you say, I only gave my opinion…in which none of you can handle because it’s not what any of you want to hear…but, that’s what makes it ‘MY OPINION’ and not yours.

  13. Mary • February 6, 2010 @ 12:25 AM

    That sounds a bit conceited to me, Nancy. It seems as if you’re implying that your opinion is the correct one. What makes you think we can’t “handle” it? Because we “can’t handle the truth”? I think our opinions are just as viable as yours. And I also think it was very vulgar to say that your opinion was something we didn’t want to hear. Nobody wants to hear anything…it’s an open discussion where there is no point proven, just people stating their views. I wish you would not make it sound as if your views are superior to ours.

  14. Nancy • February 6, 2010 @ 12:53 AM

    Mary: I said nor insinuated no such thing! I just gave my opinion. I never said it was the right one. It’s an opinion on the topic given here, there is no right or wrong but, for others to come along and tell me to be quiet unless I’ve lived it because they don’t like MY OPINION, that I shouldn’t be saying anything at all, is ridiculous and that is “vulgar” in “MY OPINION”! As for yours and other opinions…on the topic, of course, I never said anything about their opinions, did I? Did I say they were not the right ones? Did I say “you should not voice an opinion” to anyone here? Am I the one who said “keep your blaming, unhealthy opinions to yourself”? Am I the one who went calling someone names for their opinions, Mary? Nice try, Mary, I never once, EVER said I was “superior” or that my “views are superior” to anyone else!

  15. Nancy • February 6, 2010 @ 1:00 AM

    Mary: I said nor insinuated no such thing! I just gave my opinion. I never said it was the right one. It’s an opinion on the topic given here, there is no right or wrong but, for others to come along and tell me to be quiet unless I’ve lived it because they don’t like MY OPINION, that I shouldn’t be saying anything at all, is ridiculous and that is “vulgar” in “MY OPINION”! As for yours and others opinions…on the topic, of course, I never said anything about their opinions, did I? Did I say they were not the right ones? Did I say “you should not voice an opinion” to anyone here? Am I the one who said “keep your blaming, unhealthy opinions to yourself”? Am I the one who went calling someone names for their opinions, Mary? Nice try, Mary, I never once, EVER, said I was “superior” or that my “views are superior” to anyone else!

  16. Sierra • February 6, 2010 @ 2:49 AM

    Nancy, you go ahead and voice your opinion, but you know absolutely nothing, must be nice to have had such a good upbringing that you can condemn people and voice things you know nothing about. Kudos to MacKenzie, stick to things you know about if there is anything because your ignornant remarks here are wasted.

  17. Carol • February 6, 2010 @ 10:36 AM

    Ummm…ok….so….
    Nancy has an opinion…everyone does whether or not they’ve been in this position. I see what she is saying, there comes a point in your life that YOU have to come responsible for what is happening to you…but I also see what everyone else is saying that the abuser somehow gets in your mind, creates a sense of “normal” that is not normal. Can you all open up your eyes and that this can be viewed from different sides. No one is wrong. There are people, men, women, and even young children who somehow have an inner strength and seem to be able to stop it. Then there are those, like this lady who didn’t have that inner strength. That’s what makes us individuals. Some stop it, move on and become better people, others don’t and will always blame the abuser, even when at some point, as Dr. Phil says, they take over in their own minds. Let’s not dis each other because the difference between Nance and a lot of other people is she is saying what she thinks. Others are scared to because of this, they get cr*pped on. There is always more to ways to look at something, no matter how terrible the situation is.

  18. Nancy • February 6, 2010 @ 8:10 PM

    Sierra: Yes, I will go right ahead and keep voicing my opinions…I don’t need yours or anyone else approval for that! I am a very smart cookie and do know a lot. Had a fairly good upbringing, not perfect by any means but no, no incest that’s for sure. I didn’t “condemn” anyone here, as you stated..Mackenzie, yourself or anyone else who was in that situation. Go back to the September 29 ‘Former Child Star Raped by Father’ article on this site and read that. Maybe you’ll be a little more informed. She ADMITS that she “had consensual sex over a period of ten years” with him. In her own words, she admitted she was “old enough to know better”. It began when she was 19, not as a small child. It’s not like daddy crept into her room when she was 5!! They were both high on drugs and neither of them knew what they were doing at the time. I agree, he is a total PIG but, she is not entirely blameless. She only ended the relationship with him, she says, when she had an abortion because she was unsure if the baby was her father’s. There was no “Oh, I finally realized it was wrong” or “I broke free from the hold he had over me”, it was “I put a stop to it when I had an abortion, because I was unsure if the baby was my father’s.” So, Sierra, you think my remarks are “ignorant”, do you? Well, not once did I ever tell any of you to shut up, not to give an opinion, that you condemn people about things you know nothing about, that you probably don’t know anything at all and you give ignorant remarks. If you or anyone else doesn’t like my comments, I really don’t care…that is what makes them my opinions and not yours. You seem to only want to hear opinions that are the same as yours and I am definAtely NOT a follower.

  19. Robert McDowell • February 6, 2010 @ 8:45 PM

    I think the father was in the wrong and Mackenize is not. It like being rape by your teacher in school and you block it out, but years later it comes back and your life falls apart because peopl said it is partly ypour fault because you did not report it. but to who

  20. Bianca • February 6, 2010 @ 11:42 PM

    I’m with Nancy. MacKenzie Phillips was a grown woman, about to marry a man, made the decision to abort the child and continue the affair for many years. I’ll admit her judgment was askew with her father getting her on to drugs, but most druggies don’t have an incestuous relationship with their parents for years. We have to be realistic and stop blaming others for mistakes that we make.

  21. demigod • February 7, 2010 @ 1:12 AM

    Someone ask Nance who’s to blame in domestic abuse cases.

  22. gypsy • February 7, 2010 @ 2:51 PM

    Robert..Feb 6Th 8.45pm..I understand what you are saying,this type of sexual abuse is NEVER the victims fault!Fear is a terrible thing to live with,especially when the rape it is done by an a person of authority.In most cases the victim is made out to be the one who initiated this crime.This is why so many people don’t report it.Blocking it out is only a temporary fix.No matter what other people say the fault totally belongs to the teacher!
    Anyone who has gone through this,no matter how many years ago,should find a close friend or counselor to talk to.There is no need to suffer alone for something, you had no control over!

  23. Nancy • February 7, 2010 @ 8:03 PM

    Demigod: The abuser is to blame….but, the abused is partially to blame when the door is wide open and they don’t run through it…AS LONG AS THEY AREN’T BEING THREATENED. I stress that part because most (if not all) domestic abuse cases have the abuser threatening to kill the abused, a child or a close friend or family member if they try to leave. Totally different situation than what Mackenzie has admitted to. Mackenzie admitted that her relationship with her father was consensual over a period of ten years and that she was “old enough to know better”, that she only ended the relationship when she had an abortion as she was unsure if the baby was her father’s. Their relationship started when she was 19. I do agree that he was sick and that he is to blame but she is NOT innocent by any means!

  24. Nancy • February 7, 2010 @ 9:03 PM

    Oh, I also have to mention, demigod, I noticed you never said anything about me being a “man-hater” on this article. Hahahahaha.

  25. demigod • February 7, 2010 @ 10:00 PM

    Fair enough. But it’s still about control and manipulation.

  26. Nancy • February 8, 2010 @ 10:01 AM

    Probably is…through drugs, I guess. She sure did wrap up the relationship quickly (for someone who’s being manipulated) when she found out she was pregnant though. Amazing how the manipulating just suddenly stopped (her habit certainly didn’t!).

  27. shoothegun • February 8, 2010 @ 10:27 AM

    What a joke Nancy. I have read all of the comments and it seems to me that it is okay you call things your opinion but once someone says it is “wrong” you get all hairy about it. Yet you pushed other people from this website off as you “harassed” them with your “opinions”. It always amazes me how people can dish it out but surely can’t take it!!!!

  28. Nancy • February 8, 2010 @ 10:44 AM

    First of all, shoothegun, I have not “pushed” nor “harassed” anyone from this website. When someone comes or goes it is of their own free will. Yes, I have voiced my opinion here and others have voiced theirs. You’re just not getting it…there is no “wrong” or right. I’ll be damned if I will put up with others telling me to quiet and not have an opinion though! Not once have I ever told anyone here that their “opinion” on the articles is “wrong” or to not give an opinion on the article. If you think I have, then you prove it. Best of luck to you.

  29. Margaret • February 8, 2010 @ 5:08 PM

    I get what shoothegun is saying. Nancy you do tend to force your opinion down everyones throats, and you always seem to feel the need to have the last word, whether you’re contradicted or not.

    I feel awfully sorry for this woman, that she had to experience this.

  30. Nancy • February 8, 2010 @ 5:38 PM

    Margaret: If defending myself means having “the last word”, then so be it! I DID NOT force my opinion down anyone’s throats. Are you blind? You can all have the opinions you want…and I can have mine, but don’t tell me NOT to have one! When I voice my opinion, you all come in telling me to not have an opinion because it doesn’t match up with your opinions…get used to it! I’m no follower. I say what “I” think about the articles…go right ahead and voice your own opinion, I’m not stopping you. Maybe you’d feel better if I told you all “You should not voice an opinion about something you know nothing about” “keep your blaming, unhealthy opinions to yourself”, huh?

  31. Margaret • February 8, 2010 @ 7:49 PM

    Don’t foist somebody else’s words on me nancy! You should state your opinion, not defend it. If somebody disagrees, so be it. LET THEM. Don’t go hacking on theirs as well. We’ve both stated ours so just let it go.

  32. Nancy • February 8, 2010 @ 9:25 PM

    Margaret: Really? Seriously…are you blind? I DID just state my opinion and I am not defending my opinion…I’m defending MY RIGHT TO HAVE AN OPINION! Let them disagree all they want, that is what I have already said, I don’t care if they disagree…that is THEIR OPINION but don’t tell me not to have one or that I “don’t know anything”! So yeah, Margaret, “just let it go”. Btw, what’s wrong with me using someone else’s words on you, Margaret? You never said anything about their rude words so I just automatically assumed that you liked them! I mean, you sure don’t seem to mind jumping on me for having an opinion!

  33. Margaret • February 8, 2010 @ 10:42 PM

    Their issue is with you, not me. And this isn’t a playground kiddie fight. I’m not “picking sides”.. I’m stating what i believe to be right. If you have a bone to pick, pick it with the right people…

  34. Nancy • February 9, 2010 @ 10:26 AM

    I didn’t say you should “pick sides”, Margaret. You just jump right over rude, ignorant comments and fly onto someone who is defending her rights…doesn’t sound right but, to each their own. I can handle you as well. You’re a smaller fish than some of the others I’ve hauled in on here. LOL.

  35. tributegirl • February 9, 2010 @ 6:09 PM

    Oh my, here we go again.

  36. Margaret • February 9, 2010 @ 8:00 PM

    It’s sad to know you seem to have an issue with many people who post on here… oh well, to each their own. lol

  37. Nancy • February 9, 2010 @ 9:24 PM

    Margaret: But…didn’t you say something along the lines of, their issue being with me and that if I “have a bone to pick”, to pick it with them? It seems that people always seem to have some kind of an issue with me (and yes, it is pretty sad), even when I haven’t given them reason. For example, (and I know you don’t want to “take sides” here, LOL but, if that’s the case then maybe you shouldn’t join in!) scroll to the top of just this article alone. What reason do you see in my very first post for someone to say that my opinion doesn’t count and that I shouldn’t voice it? So, you can turn your last little phrase around, as it should be “It’s sad to know many people on here seem to have an issue with you.”

    If you don’t want to be in it…stay out of it!

  38. Mary • February 10, 2010 @ 9:07 PM

    What an arrogant little twit you are nancy. you need help.

  39. Nancy • February 10, 2010 @ 10:56 PM

    Mary: Shut up, whydoncha! Name calling “little twit”…try getting some help for that! Who the heck said anything to you anyways? Mind yer business!

  40. Mary • February 11, 2010 @ 12:47 PM

    No no, the polite thing to say would be “thank you, I’ve been told so many times!”

  41. Nancy • February 11, 2010 @ 5:37 PM

    Yeah well, I never did do as I was “told” but YOU were “told” to shut up, haha. So, be polite and say “thank you”, Mary.

  42. Nancy • February 11, 2010 @ 5:38 PM

    Doesn’t make sense to say “thank you”, does it, “little twit”?

  43. Mary • February 11, 2010 @ 7:22 PM

    Actually, thank you for proving my point.

  44. Nancy • February 12, 2010 @ 1:17 AM

    And you for proving mine….that you CAN’T “shut up”. LOL.

  45. tributegirl • February 12, 2010 @ 3:48 PM

    w o w
    Mary reminds me of someone…


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