Rihanna and her alleged attacker back together
By Alexandra Heilbron on March 2, 2009 | 105 Comments
A source has told people.com that Rihanna and her alleged attacker, Chris Brown, have made up, saying, “They’re together again. They care for each other.” The couple is currently spending time together on Miami Beach’s Star Island. The source added, “While Chris is reflective and saddened about what happened, he is really happy to be with the woman he loves.” Brown allegedly attacked Rihanna on February 8th, an attack so severe that she has to be treated at the hospital, with doctors worrying whether her vocal chords were damaged to the point of her ever sounding the same again while singing. It’s too early to tell whether Brown is in “make-up mode” to save his sorry butt from doing serious jail time, as well as trying to resurrect his career, which had every sign of going down the tubes. Hopefully Rihanna comes to her senses soon and dumps him before he gets the chance to do even more serious damage to her.
What a surprise. He did it once (as far as we know), he will do it again.
she’s being stupid. why do women insist on allowing men to beat them down again and again?! We are worth SO much more than that. We deserve better in every single aspect. If Rihanna takes him back, that’s sending the wrong message to girls everywhere. It is NOT okay for you bf to beat you up and then say sorry. it WILL happen again. im really disappointed if this story is true. I’ve already crossed out Chris Brown from my play list and she is next if she doesn’t smarten up.
I completely understand where Rihanna is coming from. Right now she is weak and vulnerable, her self esteem has most likely been beaten down. The bad times of being abused by him are pretty bad but he makes the good times and the “makeups” sooo good. I cannot for the life of me understand WHY the law/courts cannot understand this. There should be a law against them having ANY contact at least until after the court hearing. If an abused woman were to have absolutely NO contact with her abuser for at least 3 months, she most likely would not return to the situation. She needs time (like anyone else coming out of a relationship) to get over him, to re-build her self esteem, to be told over and over and realize it herself, that she deserves so much better than that.
Wow i think i remember this happening before, Ike and Tina Turner ring a bell? And they are not the only ones. “Hit me again Ike, and this time put some stank on it!”
And P. Diddy should be ashamed of himself for allowing them to use his Miami home….I wonder if he will feel guilty the next time Chris beats the sh!t out of her?
Wow. Is Nancy actually suggesting that the law should prevent them from seeing each other, even if neither of them requests it?
Somehow I doubt P. Did would feel guilty.
This is a textbook abusive relationship. The victim defends the abuser because of emotional insecurities and ends up blaming her self for the abuse. Someone needs to step in before she gets really hurt.
Indeed I am, leslie!! She is obviously not thinking clearly and Chris is ‘OUT ON BAIL’. If she were given some time away from him I highly doubt she would take him back. It wouldn’t prevent him from finding another punching bag though.
well, since it IS inevitable…i really hope THIS time when he beats her, it knocks some sense into her head. what an idiot. especially when she knows her entire life is soo public. maybe she just wants sympathy? do you know those people that enjoy being hurt, or hurting others (such as their own children) because they love the attention and sympathy that comes with it? maybe shes one of those people…or who knows? maybe she loves the pain, some people are into that kind of thing too. either way, this is a sick situation and story all around. they both need counseling (separately) to get over eachother and to get over what happened. grrr.
Although your heart might be in the right place, Nancy, you have to realize that she is an adult and has broken no law. No one has the right to tell her who she can or cannot see. People make mistakes, and they hopefully learn from them. ((I’m talking about Rihanna, not Chris Brown.) If she decides to communicate with him, then that is her business. If she decides to go back to him, that is her business. If it turns out it is a mistake to do so, it was her decision and she must learn from the consequences. Society’s obligation is only to offer support and advice, and if she chooses to have him stay away, to enforce that. But society does not have the obligation, or more importantly the RIGHT, to tell her she can’t see him.
She has to take responsibility for her actions and their consequences. We don’t force drug addicts into treatment against their will even if we believe it is for their own good. This is no different.
But, this IS different in my opinion, leslie. SHE called the police on him and as long as he is on “bail” there should be no contact until the court case has been settled…at least until then. An abused woman is not in her right mind, otherwise she wouldn’t have allowed it to happen and wouldn’t go back to it. Pretty much similar to the situation Britney Spears went through, where her father is now conservator of her estate because she has gone off the path. Now, I know that Britney was temporarily in a mental institution but, I also know that Rihanna has not had enough time to get her head straight. I think that the law should be changed so that people cannot contact their victims OR be contacted by them until the court case is complete…this gives everyone involved more time to reflect on what is right and wrong.
*facepalm*
HA HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA Nancy, battered women blah blah blah, right mind blah blah, time away to heel, blah blah…remember she went to him if she realy wanted the time away then don’t go to him, but according to you he beat the while to live out of here, lol seems to be more and more of this story unfolding, she’s not so innocent, but I’m sure you’ll back that up with her emotional state blah blah again
Chris Brown 1pt Rhianna 0 pts go chris go!, go chris go!
Who says “she went to him”, Max Powers? Last we heard, Chris was BRIBING her with diamonds and ipods and calling HER on her birthday!!
uuummm bribing her with diamonds & Ipods, realy how many Ipods do you need, and were did this little timbit of info come from TMZ.com uumm also she’s rich buy your own thats like bribing Bill Gates with a Xbox360 he already owns it.
look she’s an idiot I know it you know it the american ppl know it.
question: what do you call a women with one black eye
answer: more names as she didn’t learn the first time
Hey Max, I didn’t buy the diamonds and ipod touch for her, did I? And TMZ didn’t report it, the New York Daily News did and then Tribute reported it to us on Feb 25/09. Check it out. Oh, and how exactly do you know that Bill Gates “already owns” an XBox 360? Maybe he’s more of a Wii type of guy!! LOL. Also, I DON’T “know” that Rihanna is “an idiot”.
Believe what you want Max…and I’ll believe what I want….simple as that. Do we really have to stay on the Merry-Go-Round?
You know what they say: first time shame on him and the second time shame on her.
no surprises here, but i completely agree with nancy. because it is now going to court at some point, there should be NO CONTACT ALLOWED for the simple fact, he can either(clearly) bribe her so that she wont testify against him, or he can beat her so she wont testify against him, or threaten her life, etc. so, this is definitely a stupid idea. if someone abuses you, there should be automatic restraining order on both of you as soon as the police are involved. and i agree with max that shes an idiot, but i do not agree with him trying to make it seem like all women deserve to be beat. if thats true? then perhaps all men deserve to be beat too, because i sure have saw a lot of them on this site that sure deserve at LEAST a beating to learn what its like to be in a household with domestic violence.
Max,Max,Max… I can only shake my head and laugh.You just don’t get it and you never will.
Nancy, I do agree that a court ordered separation between Chris Brown and Rihanna does seem like a good idea. But I think people are over looking a big chunk of the puzzle: the fact that Rihanna has yet to formally press charges against Chris Brown. Chris Brown surrendered to police and was booked on suspicion of felony domestic battery, and with making criminal threats. But Rihanna hasn’t yet pressed charges, she has made no statements regarding the situation and has yet to co-operate with police in the ongoing investigation. It seems to me that Rihanna has yet to learn her lesson. I just hope she does before it’s too late.
I am so sick and tired of these pathetic excuses women use for lack of maturity and their poor judgement.
Beaten down, robbed of their self esteem
Right now she is weak and vulnerable, her self esteem has most likely been beaten down. The bad times of being abused by him are pretty bad but he makes the good times and the �makeups�� sooo good.
Makeups sooo good? Is that the problem? You take a few beatings cuz the sex will be great? Thats not a lack of self esteem, thats a lack of self respect.
i dont think thats exactly what nancy was getting at. i think she means its easy for these women to be brainwashed into fully trusting and fully believing their abusive boyfriend/girlfriend WILL finally get help…will finally change, will finally become the person they always hoped and wanted them to be. its not so much that its lack of self esteem or self respect, i think its more that women have this nurturing NEED and desire to fix broken people. so instead of letting it go and move on, she is going to convince herself again and again that SHE can change him, that all he needs is her help, support and love and everything will be better the next time around. most of these women are too naive and blinded by what they HOPE to get when they get back together with these men, that the beatings seem a complete and total surprise, weather or not he has done it before. and also, some of these women think oh well if hes willing to spend money on me then he clearly loves me and theres no way he will do it again. lets hope the next time she doesnt really LOSE her singing voice for good, or much more for that matter.
This is what happens to women who dont go threw the therapy they need to heal from all the abuse. I’ve done the therapy, and its open my eyes on so many different aspects of the relationship I had. Hes obviously a Master Manipulator, so he knows exactly how to get her back. Sure at first its gona be perfect, but after a couple of weeks maybe a month they’re gona be right back where they were. Sad to say that so many women do this, when life can be so much better.
im not sure i agree women NEED therapy to get over an abusive relationship. first of all, you never FULLY get over abuse. second of all, you need to find the strength in YOURSELF on YOUR OWN before you will ever fully be able to walk away from an abusive relationship and keep yourself from getting into/staying in a different relationship that is exactly the same. i understand therapy, but at the same time i dont. how come people cant figure out these things on their own? sure its a very difficult time, and sure it seems like you cant do it on your own, but you REQUIRE that strength to save yourself. no one can give you the strength and courage it takes to walk away, you have to build that up yourself. can you honestly say that therapy has taught you things you wouldnt have eventually figured out on your own? if you had some time to actually THINK about it? every person on this earth has the strength and intelligence within themselves to realize and see that this situation is WRONG. that love SHOULDNT nor DOES it hurt. you dont need to go and spend thousands of dollars on therapy to understand that, they teach the children this in school now ! they teach them if your mother smacks you, call 911 its abuse. so what is soo wrong with women these days they dont get out while they can? sometimes, i really think i blame the woman for staying, just as much as the man. which i know contradicts everything else ive ever said, but do you think ive ever spent time feeling sorry for myself? do you think i dont realize that it was my own fault for staying after the first incident? considering the first time i slept with him was actually considered rape, it was my own pure stupidity and fault that i continued to be abused as long as i did, because **I** STAYED !
sorry about that ^^ im sure that was all way more info than anyone wanted to hear about me, but anyways, i was in a ranting mood, and hating on women just as much as men, because they are **ALL** idiots. grr.
Someone else here said it..it’s a cultural thing. The black community is hardly shocked by any of this.
Some here(Nancy) seem to have this perception of Rihanna being this fragile, soft-spoken, vulnerable girl. GUARANTEED she’s a mouthy, egotistical b!tch w/an attitude who knows how to push buttons.
They’re both G-H-E-T-T-O. Money doesn’t change all.
Accepting his gifts, answering his calls, not pressing charges, a getaway – I’ll say all is forgiven.
Hey demigod, I NEVER said Rihanna was “fragile, soft-spoken”. As a woman myself, I have absolutely NO DOUBT that she’s part “b!tch”….add to that outer beauty and $$ and I GUARANTEE Chris Brown definately had his hands full! Still a “stupid” reason to beat her………..and even more “stupid” for HIM to take her back then, right? I have no clue why Rihanna has not pressed charges, could be the fact that she HAS been co-operating with authorities (until now) and even if she doesn’t press charges against him the prosecutor will! This is all just so stupid that the law has not stepped in because he is now swaying her not to press charges and not to testify and to plead for him to get a lesser sentence…isn’t THAT against the law? Oh, and Anon, I never meant sex…DUH! Jeeze, must be a man! Anyways, let’s wait and see the little slap on the hand he gets when this goes to court….will PROVE my point that there shoould be a law against having contact with victims until AFTER the court.
Nancy on March 3, 2009 9:08 am
Actually, I’m not a man….I’m just so sick of listening to all this male bashing just because some of us set their standards low, have no self respect or the maturity to be either dating or in relationships.
I agree totally with leslie on March 2, 2009 3:27 pm
Society does not have an obligation to make sure a woman does not see her other half. What would you have them do….jail the abused. I can just imagine the kind of frenzy this would cause in the male bashing world!
Well Anon, my standards are not low, I have plenty of self-respect and I am very mature, thanks. I also wasn’t “male bashing”…he’s a woman beater, plain and simple, he just happens to be a “male”. Society DOES have an obligation to jail the ABUSER when he/she is considered “harmful” to society. I just gave my opinion that there should be a law against abusers and their victims having contact before the trial…doesn’t sound unreasonable considering the trial could be jeopardized to to the contact. I thought you were a man because you automatically assumed I was referring to “sex”.
Sorry, ‘due’ to the contact.
Nancy on March 3, 2009 5:41 pm
So…
Lets say the woman chooses to have contact, should she be jailed to keep her away? How exactly would you impose this “law”?
I certainly don’t think the victim should be jailed for it, but I dont think the person who did the beating should be allowed any contact at all with their victim. He made contact with her, so I do think he should be jailed for that. If I witnessed a murder for example, and the alleged murderer gets out on bail and contacts me, it sure could affect my decision to testify!
They should both be warned as soon as the police are involved and this becomes an ivestigation, what will happen if they have contact before the trial. If they proceed to have contact before the trial is finished they should both be charged for jeopardizing the case. He would then go to jail until the trial because it would be a condition on his bail NOT to have contact.
lol
Funny analogy tributegirl! Maybe if the make-up sex was good it might��
By the way, there are laws in place that protect the victim from the abuser. The problem is the victim has to call the police when they are contacted, not accept their gifts or ignore (as Nancy so eloquently put it) when they make the �makeups�� sooo good��
“the problem is, the victim has to call the police when they are contacted”
EXACTLY! The law needs to be changed to not only protect the victim from the abuser but also from themselves and also to protect the integrity of the case itself. And I agree, she should NOT have accepted those gifts and I said it on that article too, that when he sent her those gifts, he should have been charged then for contacting her.
And again, when I said “make the makeups sooo good”…I was NOT referring to sex. There is more to “making up” than sex, you know! How about the gifts (as he’s already given), the promises that it will never happen again and that he will get help. After the court it will most likely change to “well, if you hadn’t done this then I wouldn’t have had to do that”, it will all be her fault and she will be abused again and warned that she better not involve the police next time. This is far from the last we’ll hear of this.
So Nancy,
We now need laws to protect us from ourselves? And who, pray tell is going to be the one to decide what you need to protect yourself from? And how and who will run this Police State? And if you��re fat, should the government intervene to protect you from yourself? Really, I could go on for eternity.
The sad fact is that our daughters, nieces etc are not being brought up with self respect and a sense of self worth or they would set their standards higher.
demigod on March 3, 2009 6:34 am
“Someone else here said it..it��s a cultural thing. The black community is hardly shocked by any of this.”
I’ve gone through the posts and I don’t see a derogatory racial remark anywhere but in your comment and that comment goes beyond ignorance. It��s like saying all blacks should be able to adapt to living in a ghetto or at the very least be able to relate to the ghetto because there is a large majority of visible minorities there. Tsk tsk tsk.
“We now need laws to protect us from ourselves?”
WHY do you insist on keeping this going? Picking, picking, picking at EVERY comment I make!! The law is already in place in certain circumstances. For instance, Britney Spears father has been appointed by the courts as the conservator of her estate…to protect her from herself. I’ve stated “MY” opinion and you’ve stated yours. I believe they should be prevented BY LAW from having contact until after the trial, you don’t agree, so be it. You say “The sad fact is that our daughters, nieces, etc. are not being brought up with self respect and a sense of self worth or they would set their standards higher.” I’m shaking my head because what, you believe that parents are praising their sons and ridiculing their daughters??? I would think that the only females not being brought up with self respect and a sense of self worth would be those who live in abusive homes. Rihanna came from a home where her father abused drugs. Chris claims to have come from a home where his step-father beat his mother. If the abuse were to stop, everyone, male and female, would have more of a sense of self worth as well as respect for themselves AND others. Anyways, we should give it a rest for a day…the best is yet to come…Thursday is his court date!! 😉
seriously, maybe you should all read nancys comments for what they are. instead of trying to find different ways to use them, all she is saying is, because it WILL BE GOING TO COURT there should be NO CONTACT on either side until the courts have settled what is going to happen. she is exactly right, if you murder someone and youre out on bail and you call or try to bribe or sweet talk the eye witness to the case, or the murdered persons family, youre going to jail for breach. so why is it not considered the same for spousal abuse? ESPECIALLY when spousal abuse can and has and will end in death?
Anon, I was echoing a sentiment posted on another article. Stop being so politically correct with that weak-a$$ ‘derogatory racial remark’. Are you going to pretend that there isn’t a disproportionate case of violence,firearms, and crime among the black community? ‘ghetto’ is not so much a place, but an attitude/mentality.
Get your head out of the sand. And don’t put words in my mouth with your last comment.
I don’t mean to be disrespectful or anything, demigod, but I’ve noticed your comments seem to be a lot different lately. Still sharp & witty, etc, but you just seem kind of p*ssed off lately.
Anyway, demigod is right that there was a comment such as that in another Chris Brown article. I personally don’t agree with it, but yes, the comment was made before.
Anon, I have worked so hard since the day my daughter was born to instill the self respect in her that she will need to avoid abuse such as this, I’ve also worked since the day my sons were born to teach them to respect women. Well, actually I’ve taught them all to respect themselves, and all other people. So far it’s gone well, and I hope and pray that no “Chris Brown’s” ever enter their lives, because abusers are very manipulative.
And Nancy, good God, woman, get your mind out of the gutter! 😉
demigod, are you implying that theres MORE crime, violence, firearms, etc within the black community than there is anywhere else? because if so, then yes, that IS racist. and i do disagree for the simple fact, there is the same amount of crime etc, EVERYWHERE and within every culture, race, sex. white women, asian women, every race of women have been abused at some point in their life. you cant single out one specific race and say they are the problem.
demigod on March 4, 2009 4:17 am
No I do not for one minute believe that any crime is a racial issue. Most crimes are directly related to poverty regardless of who you are. Poverty in itself is a violent crime. And I did not put words in your mouth. I quote �I was echoing a sentiment posted on another article.�� You were agreeing with someone else; I just find that to be a pretty low opinion of black people. But, that is my opinion just as you have yours.
Spousal abuse is a crime of ignorance and a direct result poor parenting, lack of education, social class and your experiences when you are young �� neglect, abuse either physical, emotional or sexual. Most spousal abusers abuse their children as well (aside from the abuse suffered watching their mother getting knocked around). These men were brought up with much rage around them and were never given the tools or taught how to deal with problems and inconveniences in a constructive way. The have taken all that rage and internalized it, lashing out when they feel things are beyond their control.
mandee on March 4, 2009 12:32 am
I am taking Nancy��s comments for what they are. All I��m doing is pointing out that though she is right in no contact idea, it is unrealistic to impose a �no contact law�� to protect us from ourselves….where and who would be the one to draw the line at far this could go?
tributegirl on March 4, 2009 8:23 am
I agree, we need to teach our young that they are valued and to respect themselves and others equally so they can go on to have productive, respectful and peaceful relationships. Or they end up becoming a pain in our @$$es for the rest of our lives lol
When I said “a law to protect the victim from themselves”, I meant in THIS case and those similar to it. Rihanna should have been prevented “by law” from contacting Chris…and him from contacting her as well. Not from overweight people eating between meals. When I said “a law to protect the victim from themselves” I joined it in with “from the abuser” and “also to protect the integrity of the case itself”. It has long been known by the courts and all of law enforcement that the majority of domestic violence victims end up going back into that situation. Nothing gets done about it though because either way, whether she takes “her” abuser back or not, the ABUSE itself will not be prevented. Meaning, if she takes him back, he will abuse her again. If she doesn’t take him back, he will move on to abuse his next victim and she most likely will find herself a new abuser…unless she chooses to stay single…like I have. I won’t take the risk, even though I have dated several guys and 1 abused me.
By ‘disproportionate’ I mean by the fact that here in the West, blacks are 11% of the population, yet they make up 50% of the populace in jail cells across the board. There is more white,asian,latino poverty overall here. So much for that theory, Anon.
I’m not saying it’s because of their skin colour, but as their cultural/traditional ways/values. That needs to change.
I am not racist.
well, theres my answer to you anon. i didnt even need to speak for myself 😛
demigod on March 4, 2009 12:58 pm
I believe that there may be more blacks in the system, but that is because there is still is a general prejudice that still exists in our legal system and society in general. And because of this fact, a large majority of visible minorities live in poverty therefore again increasing the probability of committing crimes. I know many blacks that are both educated as well as some that are living in poverty (or as you put it in ghettos) that are raising fine children and are law abiding people. I live in Hamilton and we have a few �ghettos�� here that are predominately white and the crime rate is quite high. Their children are not thriving and most are on welfare. Which again brings me back to the fact that poverty is the major contributor to crime, not race. Poverty increases your chance of not just spousal abuse, but of drug abuse, alcohol abuse, sexual abuse; basically any form of violence crime. Just as the crime rates in housing projects that have predominately black people living in them have a higher crime rate. White, black, muslim, oriental whatever. All are just victims of their lifestyle, not the heritage. History, as well as current wars, shows us that the white man has always been the most violent toward man.
But I guess we are all entitled to our opinions.
“History, as well as current wars, shows us that the white man has always been the most violent toward man.”
Sorry, Anon, but I have to dispute that. Take a look at North Korea, almost the entire continent of Africa, the Middle East countries, they are extremely violent against their own race and other races.
tributegirl on March 4, 2009 2:12 pm
I disagree with you there. Two world wars, slaves, medieval and dark ages and all other violence in the name of Christianity…..
I could go on, but again we are entitled to our own opinions. 🙂
Well, as far as slavery, pretty much every race has suffered slavery, including white people, I believe you are referring to the enslavement of the African people? If you dig back far enough, it was their own people who sold them to the white man in the first place, and they continue to enslave their own in many parts of Africa.
I believe Rihanna has made a big mistake here, and am hoping we don’t open the paper one day to details of another attack.
didn’t know her vocal cords were thought by doctors to be possibly beyond repair…that is a pretty severe beating, when did this “add-on” surface, maybe I missed it…
makes an Ipod gift seem less than insignificant…
And what is your comment on Nazi, 2 world wars, medieval and the dark ages and…….
white man. Your choosing only to accept colour ie slaves enslaving each other, Korea as your examples of anyone other than whites to prove your point. Research some other violent times.
Actually, that possibility did surface soon after the attack, although I don’t remember seeing it on this site.
The Ipod gift goes way beyond insignificant, that gift was like bribing a child with candy.
Agreed that she is making a mistake, and I bet we will be hearing of another attack by summer at the latest. Hope I’m wrong.
Darfur.
agree joanne, and i think it was actually on one of these articles, tg and jo about her vocal cords, i just dont remember the exact article. and tg, i already posted that i think its the entire world, not just african american people that are the problem here.
tributegirl on March 4, 2009 5:22 pm
lol Point taken, though I still stand firm on the more violent people.
Peace?
Yes, it was briefly mentioned in the Feb 21 ‘Photo of Battered Rihanna Surfaces on Internet’ article. And I just heard today that Rihanna has refused to press charges….so, I guess Chris swayed her!! Hopefully the police have uncovered enough so that the prosecution can file the charges…otherwise the SOB walks!
thats sick and disturbing. i cant believe that people can sway you to not press charges after they beat you. although, i never pressed charges against my ex, not because he swayed me, because it didnt seem bad enough to need police or medical care…
Nancy on March 4, 2009 6:12 pm
This is unfortunate, but as you probably know first hand that most women do not go through with charges the first few times. It’s not until the police take things into their own hands that the abuser is charged. She probably thinks she brought it on herself, as most do.
Peace, Anon, no probs! We both put up good arguements, and we both kept it clean, so yeah, I’m all for a truce here. Although I still stand firm on my opinions as well!
And I’m sure he’s helping her to realize that as well…that she’s “brought it on herself”. You don’t really believe or expect me to believe that he hasn’t personally had something to do with this decision of hers not to press charges, do you? Here in Canada, it is no longer up to the woman to press the charges…the police do it now because too many women were “changing their minds” and dropping the charges. I guess love is blind after all!
Nancy on March 4, 2009 8:40 pm
I agree with you, he probably convinced her, like most abusers do, that she brought this on herself. I’m a Canadian myself and am very familiar with spousal abuse and laws. It is no longer up to the abused to press charges. Once the police are involved, it is in their hands, regardless of whether or not you have contact with your partner. My earlier points about the no contact law were not meant to support the abuser, just to point out that one has to come to the realization themselve that they have had enough. Its only then that women get out of disfunctional relationships. You mentioned that you were a victim of abuse; how much did you tolerate yourself before you ended it and what finally made you end the relationship? The law, or realization that it would destroy you and your children if you chose to stay?
tributegirl on March 4, 2009 8:36 pm
🙂
Anon, that’s quite the racist remark saying ‘white man has always been the most violent’ tsk tsk. Showing your true ‘color’?
You’re saying law enforcement, the legal/judicial system is prejudice, and still has it in for the black community?! How much longer are you going to hide behind those excuses?
I’m not saying they are all bad news..once again,I’m generalizing.
Yes, there is a large segment of white teens/adolescents who have ‘adopted’ black culture, and are being influenced by their ways.
demigod on March 5, 2009 3:50 am
For one, I��m not black therefore don��t need to hide behind or use any excuses.
Rap does not reflect black customs or traditions. You��re generalizing an entire race on pop culture. The many white teens/you refer to have adopted the current pop culture, just as previous generations adopted �undesirable�� music and fashions during their time. There was just as much violence in music during my time; Alice Cooper, Black Sabbath etc. I embraced it, but didn��t become it. I have a white collar profession, no tattoos and a well balanced life: the music didn��t turn me into a Satanist just as current pop culture will not turn our youth into pimps and gangsters. My own kids (who listened to rap and danced to hip hop) are in post secondary. The music didn’t lead them into the projects. It doesn��t define who you are.
I realize that you are saying that they are not all bad news but you generally do have a low opinion of different groups of people and their ways.
Anon, I was in it for 6 1/2 years. I know…what the hell was I thinking??? I got out for a few reasons…my kids; I was just fed up because like I said, I dated several guys and this one is the only one who abused me in any way, so it’s not my nature to go from relationship to relationship being abused; I was thinking of ways to “get rid” of him, if you know what I mean…thank God I didn’t do anything drastic…for my kids sakes!; and the police flat out told me that if I didn’t stop taking him back that they wouldn’t help me anymore (which, I don’t think they have much of a choice when they are called but, at the time I panicked thinking my kids and I would have no one). Anyways, that’s history. I’m VERY independent, so I love being single and he’s moved on to beating other women and keeps going to jail for it. I think they should have way harsher punishments for creeps like that. Anyways, I heard now that Chris Brown proposed to Rihanna last weekend at P. Diddy’s Miami house and that soon afterwards, they also got married there. So, I guess he figures he’s going to jail for this beating and this is his way of getting her to wait for him….how romantic, wouldn’t you say?
Nancy on March 5, 2009 11:14 am
Yes VERY Romantic! But as we all know, it takes more than one incident before women decide to end their relationship. Your email does point out a point I was trying to make earlier about having no self worth or respect. This is not in anyway meant as a put down, but a lack of self worth in an abusive relationship leads to a lack of self respect. We feel that without this person we will have no one, which allows the abuser to take away our self-respect. My point was that we have to raise the next generation to have more self worth and self-respect so they know right away that they are worth more than to stay after the first incident.
I am glad you were able to rid yourself of him. One must wonder what happens to these poor young boys that turn them into the monsters they become.
i think you misread what nancy said (or i am?) she isnt saying she was worried without her ABUSER she would have no one, she was worried that the police really would follow through on their threats to not help her and her kids if she continued to stay with him, and that was what finally made her walk away. because how can you live with someone knowing if they hurt your child the police are going to just stand by with a stupid grin on their face, because well, they already warned you they werent helping you anymore.
mandee on March 5, 2009 1:34 pm
Maybe I did misread but it doesnt really matter, I still agree.
the police would undoubtedly be tending to the hundreds of calls they receive every single day, of course prioritizing their calls, and would I am sure still find time to visit the “repeat” callers or handle the situation in a way they saw necessitated their input…
I am constantly amazed by the number of people who find it necessary to ridicule the police, yet who do they call, (once, twice, three…20 times…100 times…) when they need help?
you guessed it.
Jo-Anne. on March 5, 2009 4:31 pm
I agree. They really do deserve our highest respect. And as you say, when you receive calls not once, twice or three times from the same people with the same old problems, one can��t help but become somewhat desensitized. I know I would. Yet most are sympathetic and educated in the dynamics of spousal abuse/dysfunctional families and do go above and beyond to ensure our safety. And like any profession, there are a few bad apples that don��t represent the entire force.
Yeah…nice try Jo-Anne! When you are referring to me, why don’t you just type my name in the comment? If the “law” would give these @$$holes more than just a damn slap on the wrist and realize that these victims need help, maybe there wouldn’t be so much abuse which would mean less calls to “prioritize”. AND, maybe if the “few bad apples” of the force followed the damn laws like the rest of us are required to do (ie: stop at stop signs; signal; don’t drink & drive, etc.), then maybe people would have more “respect” for the law!! Oh, did I forget to mention….the police charged my ex and took him to the police station after he assaulted me, put him in a room ALONE with a phone to make his one phone call…supposedly to a lawyer…the officer left him alone in the room and he called ME!!!
Oh, and hi Gina/Anon… 😉
lol Hiya baby!
Joanne and Nancy,
There really are two sides here. Many women get a raw deal, but so do many good men. Fighting for kids that they’ve lost for no reason (another form of abuse) Like I said earlier, I am familiar with spousal abuse, have gone through the system and have had good and bad experiences with both the police and the courts. I do believe the police do the best they can, but some laws are so loop-holed that their hands are tied. To be honest, I was one of those regulars that called not once or twice or even three times ……and was always treated with respect and allowed to maintain some dignity. They really can only do so much with what they’re given.
Nancy, how ever did you know? Nonetheless, the link is of my naughty daughter’s spoof of one cup / the ring. I’m impressed with the editing even though disgusted that she watched one cup!!!!
Haha! I suspected for awhile. And, I KNOW! It’s so gross! My sister came to visit me one night and she said “you have to see this!” So, she brings it up on my computer and I ran for the door and threw up! Has to be the sickest thing I’ve ever watched! 😛
So, tell me Gina….are you also commenting under the name ‘Max Powers’????
Nancy on March 5, 2009 6:54 pm
No, no max powers, just anon. Too bad you noticed, I kind of wanted to stir the pot. lol I guess someone complained about gina and my ip address was banned for awhile, both from home and work so I figured I’d go with anon. But to tell you honestly, I was Gina and my kid (in the wideo with chocolate on her face) and her friend were posting as ricky and stan? I did throw in a few lines under each alias, but only one or two. The rest were from the girls. I did notice that email is now manditory?
Anyway, I’m only posting as blue anon from now on. I did try to get the youaremighty site but it seems to be down 🙁
I was actually responding to mandee’s comment, Nancy, I thought that was abundantly clear…
I really liked your comments anon, re they can only do so much, etc., in fact your entire paragraph was very well worded and yes, the respect issue I am pleased you feel that way.
Nothing is perfect, there’s always room for improvement but if you could see beyond the newspaper articles, t.v. reports, etc., and into what these officers respond to every day, I think many people would be ashamed of their disrespectful remarks.
Like I said earlier, it’s the same ones spewing the insults that reach for the phone to call the police whenever they experience issues, be they great or small…
Maybe instead of throwing the blame in that direction, they should look into some changes in their lives that would lessen the need to reach for that phone, thereby lessening the need to expect the police to sort out their lives for them…
Uh, why would it be “abundantly clear”?….mandee never said that she called the police. I have put the police down before and you didn’t like it, and now I commented that I called them…on more than one occasion due to my former circumstances, and now you are throwing around PLURAL statements of, “it’s the same ‘ones’ spewing the insults that reach for the phone to call the police whenever they experience issues, be they great or small…” AND “Maybe instead of throwing the blame in that direction, they should look into some changes in their lives that would lessen the need to reach for that phone, thereby lessening the need to expect the police to sort out their lives for them…” Are you for real? You have absolutely NO CLUE about abuse and what it does to people do you? These abused women need help…if they could do it on their own and make their own changes they wouldn’t have been in the abusive situation to begin with!! So please, don’t try to make it like you were referring to mandee because anyone who can read knows exactly WHO you were referring to!
Are you for real, Jo-Anne? You have absolutely NO CLUE about abuse and what it does to people, do you? These abused women need help…if they could do it on their own and make their own changes they wouldn’t have been in the abusive situation to begin with!! What do you tell mentally challenged people, to work out their own problems and “look into some changes in their own lives” instead of reaching for the phone, “thereby lessening the need” to expect psychiatrists to help them sort things out?
And everyone can see, because it is “abundantly clear”, that mandee never mentioned that she called the police…I did, and yes, I have put the police down, so yes, it is “abundantly clear” whom you were referring to. Read your March 05, 4:31 pm comment….how can you honestly say that you were referring to mandee? She never even mentioned that she called the police AT ALL!!??
Jo-Anne. on March 5, 2009 8:56 pm
We have a few relatives that are front line workers in the police force as well as the medical field. You have to wonder how they keep their sanity. I really feel for them: all are affected in their personal lives by what they see daily on the job. As you say, nothing is perfect and there is room for improvement not only in police services but in everyone’s lives, be it in attitude, gratitude or perception of their dilemmas and how they deal with the choices they��ve made in life. We also have to appreciate that not everyone is having a wonderfully pleasant day while dealing with all the bull they put up with��and unfortunately that��s who you might have to deal with at that moment. Doesn��t make him an @$$hole, it just makes him human.
Nancy
Realistically, family court does not support the police dept in their work. Police intervene, realize that the abuser is a risk to the entire family, but the courts order unsupervised visits. Sure, the police could be a little more educated in dealing with domestic violence, but one could also blame the medical profession for not doing more to get abused women the help they need. Or the judges for lenient jail sentences. Its not only the police that have a duty to intervene, yet they take the brunt of it. Our family doctors know when there is violence in the household, yet counselling isn��t mandatory and support groups that are not male bashing groups are far and few between. That is the profession that needs to step up to the plate a little more, not the police to council us to take action to change our lives and realize that we deserve better yada yada yada. And don��t get your back up because I understand where you are coming from first hand.
Well, in my situation, I witnessed the opposite….family court did their part by making sure that my children had only supervised visits with him and that a restraining order was in place but yet, he would be driving or walking past my house, in my driveway, staring in my window, and when the police were called, even though there WERE witnesses who saw him, they hummed and haad and said “well, there’s not much we can do because the restraining order was not issued by us, it was issued by family court”. Well, they eventually did charge him but he was only sentenced to 30 days and an extra year probation every time. Of course, after a few times of catching him, the police started to say “well, he’s this close to having us charge him with criminal harassment”…but they never did! Too much “paperwork” I guess!! And yeah, I am mad about it….our lives were at stake, I finally got my children and myself away from him and it was like they didn’t even care!
“don’t get your backup” thats pretty damn rude of you. nancy never needed, asked, or wanted backup for anything, those of us that choose to jump in and *backup* are only doing so because we see her side of it, and want to point out exactly how bad you make yourself sound when you rant and rave about something so stupid. and jo, i was only commenting on nancys post, and was clearing it up for someone who misread it. therefore, it was not MY opinions, i have nothing against the police, i was just stating what i assumed nancy was feeling when she said that she called the police and they said they wouldnt be helping her anymore. i would have taken that very badly myself if it were me in the situation, but as i have posted more than once, i never called the police on my ex, nor did i need medical assistance because i left him before it got to the point that i needed to be in the hospital. so i do not really believe you were commenting to me :S
do you even know what ‘don’t get your back up’ means?
“the police are going to just stand by with a stupid grin on their face” is mandee’s comment I was taking exception to…in my opinion, it is is an offensive comment and yet you say you “have nothing against the police”, I am confused as I’m not used to categorizing people “I have nothing against” with “a stupid grin on their face”…
FYI, Nancy, when I refer to the “same ones” I am speaking of the same people calling the police repeatedly for assistance and yet, these same people making deragatory remarks about them…if you feel you fit into that category, well, then I guess that’s your call
anon, understand and again appreciate your comments, I think you take the time to detail and explain and I accept your remarks as very thoughtfully put.
Nancy, not only is it obvious abused victims need help, but help is there in many forms through the police, victim services, advice, etc., but the police are not doctors, psychiatrists, social workers, etc., but responsibility lies with the victim to make choices to better their lives and not condemn the police because they can’t sit on their doorstep 24/7 when they choose to continue in an abusive relationship and wait for the fallout…
just as the abuser has to take responsibility for their actions, so does the victim. With the wealth of resources we have in our country it would be beneficial for them to utilize these resources to assist them in moving forward.
You seem hellbent on constantly creating a problem where there is none, just difference of opinion.
mandee on March 6, 2009 12:32 am
My conversation was with Nancy. And though I admire your loyalty to her, she doesn��t need you jumping in for her on this discussion. I was not rude, merely expressing where my experiences were, as she did likewise. There were no put downs to either Nancy or Joanne. Ranting & raving? Like the comments you just posted? This was a conversation on whether a system is letting women down, or whether we assume it is their duty to intervene on our behalf and to what extent. Joanne didn��t attack anyone, she was defending her belief that women tend to be ungrateful for the help they receive, especially if they don��t take any steps themselves to rectify the situation.
Nancy on March 6, 2009 12:28 am
There you have it. My problems were within the court system and yours with the police department. Similar situation, different results from different organizations. But you can’t let that experience sour your opinion. My ex has made himself a small but nice little fortune on wireless broadband licensing yet can’t seem to find it in him to pay child support. He is self employed and outright refused to cooperate in court. There were jail threats made and order after order issued, but he never delivered. I eventually just pulled my application for support and wrote him off. No hard feelings towards the courts or him. You can��t make people do things; you can only control how you deal with them. I refuse to let this experience distort my outlook on men or drag me down in life. It is his loss as his relationship with the kids has broken down and they don��t want anything to do with him. I never put him down to the kids and encouraged access, but they reached an age and maturity level that they were able to see him for who he is. In their eyes, they weren��t worth a bag of milk to him. Let the past go, your happy now
Anon, I never implied you were black. I was using a pun.
I’m talking about culture, not pop culture. Since when is this about music all of a sudden? But rap DOES reflect culture. And it ain’t trends we’re talking about either.
Don’t compare rap/hip hop with metal, because one is mainstream and the other never was. Metal music doesn’t represent or reflect any specific culture. Get some perspective.
I do have a low opinion of you stating whites are more violent.
“You seem hellbent on constantly creating a problem where there is none, just difference of opinion”.
Uh, yeah, I know we have different opinions! BUT, I also know how you like to throw snide little remarks into your comments referring to people without mentioning their names! For instance: “I am constantly amazed by the number of people who find it necessary to ridicule the police, yet who do they call, (once, twice, three…20 times…100 times…) when they need help? You guessed it…” Everyone knows you were referring to me and lied when I brought it up and said you were referring to mandee. Then have the nerve to say “if you feel you fit into that category, well, then I guess that’s your call.” Nobody expects the police “to sit on their doorstep 24/7”, Jo-Anne. What I, personally, expected from the police, was that they wouldn’t allow him to call me right there from their office! I also expected that after finally getting out of that situation, that the police would uphold the family court restraining order and do everything within the law that they could to keep him away and support me in finally making the right decision. I also expected that when I sat in that courtroom, and his charges were read INCLUDING drugs…that ALL of the drugs in his possession that I WITNESSED “the police” remove from him, would have been declared by these same officers….but it would seem that 3/4 of them disappeared…???
demigod on March 6, 2009 4:13 am
Sorry to burst your bubble, but pop culture is this generations culture. The pants hanging below the @$$, dragging their feet wide apart to keep the pants from falling off, the stupid bling from Ardene’s, the gangsta attitude, young MTV tarts….pop culture which has become this generation’s culture. This is the North American culture, whether you choose to accept it or not.
Black culture has BECOME pop culture. None of it is mine. Might be your’s.
Whatever, I don’t plan on bickering with you to the very end on whether you have a low opinion on blacks or who��s culture is beneath you
So go ahead, get the last word in and be done with it.
well, clearly i mistook the words *get your backup* so sorry about the confusion. and jo, re read my post :
mandee on March 5, 2009 1:34 pm
i think you misread what nancy said (or i am?) she isnt saying she was worried without her ABUSER she would have no one, she was worried that the police really would follow through on their threats to not help her and her kids if she continued to stay with him, and that was what finally made her walk away. because how can you live with someone knowing if they hurt your child the police are going to just stand by with a stupid grin on their face, because well, they already warned you they werent helping you anymore.
now, what i said about the police, i was implying that that must have been what NANCY WAS FEELING (just stand by with a stupid grin on their face) because they TOLD HER they refused to help her anymore at this point. i would think/feel the same thing if i called the cops and they said yanno if you wanna stay fine we arent helping you anymore. its THEIR JOB we pay taxes to help pay the police and whatnot, so they have no CHOICE but to help us, and to say they wont is what makes everyone dislike them. so i dont feel bad that people say police are idiots because when it REALLY counts, 9 times outta 10, they cant be bothered.
Hey, Anon, I see what you are saying about pop culture being this generations culture, etc, but I can assure you, my children cannot stand this pop culture, and they are in the same age group. My daughter loves soft rock and country music, dresses/acts very respectible, my sons are actually into older, more classical rock, and also dress/act very respectible. No pants hanging down around the *$$ in my house! And no “bling” crap from Ardene’s either!
tributegirl on March 6, 2009 7:21 pm
LOL
Thankfully my kids pants didn��t show their cracks either, though they fought long and hard for Eminem! Sometimes you just can’t get around it. Most kids do eventually realize how foolish it looks and settle into somewhat presentable clothing and are no longer impressed with the violence and swearing that the black ooops I mean pop culture has thrown their way. LOL
mandee, you are entitled to your opinion, but in my opinion, I feel your last remark is extremely inaccurate…
however, I would say that nine outta ten times the people who make such remarks have had an “issue” that didn’t result in their receiving the attention they felt warranted their situation and thus begin to make such remarks…
our taxes could never cover these people’s desire to have the police at their beck and call 24/7
mandee on March 6, 2009 7:11 pm
I understand Nancy and the unjust situation she found herself in. But, the police that she may have been dealing with do not necessarily represent the entire force. Maybe it’s a small town that is a little behind in training? I agree that the response she got was not best. But I do think it maybe you that misunderstood what she was trying to say. You said “she was worried that the police really would follow through on their threats to not help her and her kids if she continued to stay with him, and that was what finally made her walk away.” If this is the case, then the police helped her by cutting her off and forcing her to leave her husband. I would think she would be grateful to them for their attitude, which helped her realize she had to make some changes in her life. I don’t think that is what she is trying to say. I took her comments to mean that after years of abuse, she had no confidence or self esteem left and felt that she was worthless therefore afraid she would be alone. Most women stay because subconsciously they feel no one else will want them. And again, we are back to the fact that they really only can do so much if you don’t want to leave. The difference is that Nancy did make the break; the police just didn’t enforce the restraining orders as well as they should have.
well, either way jo, i never insinuated that i have any reason to not like the police, i was just getting into nancys mindset, and i dont really care if you dont agree, it was just me saying what i thought she was getting at. and youre right anon, i do see what youre saying, but once again, nancy probably doesnt agree with that. i have no problems with police, i have never needed them because ive always managed to deal with whatever life throws at me myself. i dont need outside help, so i dont have any idea weather or not the police are helpful.
wonderdog on March 6, 2009 1:25 am
Do share your words of wisdom. I’m all ears.
Anon on March 6, 2009 7:41 pm
LOL, your comment reminded me of this guy I saw mowing the lawn at our local McDonalds last summer, pushing a lawnmower, with his knees as far to the sides as possible just to keep his pants up, naturally the crotch was down around his knees, I had to pull over, my son & I were laughing so hard! He looked like an idiot! Unfortunately I have one nephew (20 yrs old) who is totally into this culture, and I can hardly wait for him to grow out of it!
Well personally, I love the majority of Eminem’s music………………….never, EVER want to dress like that or see my kids dress like that though!! LMAO.
Don’t sweat it mandee, some of us can disagree without the ‘sucker punches’…Jo-Anne just isn’t one of the “us” who can!!
I’m an “in the closet” Eminem fan! But in small doses. And if I wasnt hitting my late forties and already lost the majority of my youth, I just might be walking around showing my crack. oh to be young again dealing with trivial issues such as jelous boyfriends, what I look like on the dance floor, and if the string on my panties is showing enough. But alas, I am now an old batalack, lecturing my offspring on how to not dress the way I really wanted to! lol
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